Are you consistent?

The idea of consistency appears to be essential for our Selves. Psychology studies tell us that we are prone to see ourselves as more fixed in our thoughts, attitudes, and opinions, than we actually are. Also, we seem to think that others around us, and the environment in which we live, change, while we remain the same. For instance, we might catch ourselves saying: ‘it is my partner who has changed'; ‘this used to be funnier'; ‘when I was younger, things were different'; ‘young people of the new generation are so unkind and selfish'; and so on.

This need for consistency is very basic, as it allows us to construct what defines ourselves as individuals. It also allows us to reconstruct our individual experiences and history as something continuous and meaningful. As Annemarie Roeper would put it, in her book ‘The ‘I’ of the beholder’, “we strive to carve out a place that is known, a place that we can manage, a place that is safe, a place that allows us to grow our unique Selves.”

But, are we really consistent? Or, on the opposite, are we consistent-ly changing? Anaïs Nin wrote in her diaries: “I change every day, change my patterns, my concepts, my interpretations.” Indeed, we are creative animals, and as such we use our flexibility and adaptability all the time to bring about change. Sometimes, we even strive to change our patterns, and concepts, and perspectives, because only doing so can we innovate and adapt.

However, as our psychological tendency is towards consistency (and there are of course good reasons for this, also at a social level), it might be easier to see how changing our habits, ideas, and views, can be so stressful and complex. Our natural need to go back to the known, requires us to put an awful lot of effort into challenging ourselves.

This process requires self-awareness: of our biases, of the challenge we’re facing, and of the benefits of it. Mindfulness can help us in two ways. First, strengthening self-awareness and the ability to focus. Secondly, and thanks to self-awareness, showing us that we are in a continuous state of change. The attachment to an idea of the ‘I’ (and indeed, to the ‘I’ itself), prevents us from seeing a realm of possibilities, our real potential, and who we really are.

Ironically, thinking of ourselves as consistent over time, can be very stressful as well. When we impose it on our Selves, we become less authentic, less open, less adaptable. Our perspectives, ideas, thoughts, may become so encrusted that they don’t fit our needs and objectives anymore. And then, we begin resisting our true nature. That is, to resist change, instead of bringing it about.

Thus, the rewards of challenging our self-consistency can be so big. Because perhaps we can begin to see and to understand that ourselves, we are always changing our Selves. Because it feeds our creativity and innovation potential. Because we can become more authentic and less judgemental about ourselves, and others, and the environment in which we live.

We might not want to go too far, but as H.G. Wells succinctly and acutely put it, “To be honest, one must be inconsistent.”

#coaching #life #psychology